So here's the scenario: Guy wants to go out with girl. Girl would also like to go out with guy, but is hesitant because she is shomer negiah and he is not. However, the guy realizes how important it is to the girl and is willing to be shomer negiah for her sake.
Is it a good idea for them to date each other or not?
Shomer negiah for her sake? Im not sure what that means, on their dates hel be shomer but in general he wont be? Sounds sorta vague. And shady.
ReplyDeleteIm not a very big believer in relationships in which one party has to take on a "major" change to make the other party happy. Too often its "marked down" to be brought up later. It can also be complicated when one party takes on something which they dont believe in to satisfy the other party. When the relationship changes a bit, they may decide they no longer have to do it, either because they "no longer owe it to them" or they feel theyve reached a point on the relationship where it wont matter any more.
I'm with the Professor here.
ReplyDelete"Shomer" is also a big indicator of other differences. Other issues will crop up; it's not like the only thing that is awkward is that he's handsy.
I'm not so sure I'd be that quick to make a judgement call. It also depends on the situation and how "not shomer" is he. Meaning, is he rather leanient on shaking women's hands and social hugs/kiss on the cheek - which is one thing - or does he hug/kiss girls he goes out with in a sexual fashion, which I think is much worse.
ReplyDeleteAlso, is he a lapsed shomer negiah observant individual who has been dating a while, but believes in the concept and would be shomer while married (when his wife's a niddah and with other women) or does he totally disbelieve in the entire halachic concept and its rationale?
In short: I agree that this warrants further investigation and isn't as simple as the question makes it seem.
Clarification: He would be shomer with other women as well; not just with her.
ReplyDelete@ Professor: Very well said
@ Lea: Lol, I like the way you put it.
@ SoG: You're right, it's not so simple. Those are very good questions. It's a lot like the second scenario for your first question and the first scenario for your second question.
*sigh* Having tried it, I'm pretty skeptical of the chances of it working out. If the guy is only being shomer because of the young lady, however he intends to apply it in his life - then I think you're asking for trouble down the line.
ReplyDelete